10.06.2015

Sparknoted SparkNotes: The Old Man And The Sea

Cfsparknoted

If the bro in your class, with the backwards hat and without a notebook, wrote for SparkNotes.

Day One

Summary:

This old dude called Santiago is like a fisherman and stuff, but he hasn’t got a fish in 84 days. Then there’s little kid named Manolin and they hangout, which is weird, but whatever. The little kid fishes with some other dudes now because Santiago fuckin’ sucks and can’t catch one. They go to a bar to get a beer and the good fishermen at the bar are savages, but, like, Santiago can’t catch shit so like it’s chill. Then Santiago and Manolin go back to Santiago’s dumbass house and they act like they are making dinner, but there is no dinner so it doesn’t make any sense at all. The old dude takes a newspaper out then and is like way too pumped about the baseball shit. He tells the kid about baseball for forever and they eat dinner a dude gave them cause it’s not like the old dude has any fish to eat lol. Finally the old dude goes to sleep and is dreamin’ about lions and shit and is trippin’ ass.

Analysis:

So far we don’t know a ton of stuff. Basically, Santiago sucks at fishing and he hangs out with a little kid and that’s weird and he is like hard for baseball. Oh, and his wife is dead.

 

Day two

Summary:

Santiago goes out fishing alone like he does every day and can’t catch anything good. He starts talking to himself because he is crazy from never eating and he goes so far out to sea that he can’t see the land. Out of nowhere, a big ass fish bites his line and starts dragging the boat and the old dude starts saying creepy shit about how he’s going to kill the fish. But he’s the only one on the boat. And the fish just keeps dragging the boat.

Analysis:

Santiago basically is fucked because he went too far out and he’s so crazy that all he cares about is killing the fish, but like he is probably gonna die or some shit.

 

Day Three

Summary:

So, like, Santiago is still on the boat, right? And then a bird lands on the boat and the fish scares it away, except Santiago slices his hand the fuck up. He starts eating a little raw tuna cause he’s crazy AF by now and wants to feed the big fish too, but like he wants to kill it, so it makes no sense still. Then at night, he catches a dolphin and bashes its head in because his chill is out of stock and then all you need to know is he sits on the boat and has some goofy ass dreams again.

Analysis:

He is just on the boat still and he is losing his shit. We can also tell from the words in the book that Santiago is depressed as shit cause he can’t catch fish and his wife is dead.

 

Day Four

Summary:

Okay, if you have a quiz, this is all you need to know about this chapter. He kills the big fish and then a bunch of sharks show up cause they smell that fuckers blood. And then, like, Santiago is, like, crying over killing the fish even though he fucked a dolphin up the day before. Then he finally makes it back to land and falls sleep in the boat like he can’t hang or something.

Analysis:

Santiago wanted to kill the fish when we thought he wasn’t gonna, but then he did and he was a total pussy about it when he did, so, like, he doesn’t even know anymore.

 

Day Five (Finally right?)

Summary:

Okay, so like the dude is finally back and is passed out, so Manolin like waits next to him until he wakes up like a fuckin’ weirdo and gives him coffee. Then he tells the old dude that the sharks ate the big fish he caught, so he doesn’t get to sell it or eat it even and his hands are gnarly AF. Then they read the newspaper and Santiago falls asleep again and the kid watches him sleep like a little creep and the book just, like, stops?

Analysis:

After a whole book, basically not much happened. The old man couldn’t catch fish for a long time and then he finally caught one and the sharks ate it, so it, like, was worthless and he is just back where he started. The little kid agrees to fish with him after it, but if they both suck then what the hell. And his wife is dead.

Alex Moore (@AlexShaneMoore) is looking for love in all the wrong Denny's restaurants.