09.04.2015

We Asked Brett Favre About Tom Brady’s Legacy

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Couchface spares no expense. We needed a bright mind to tackle hot sports topics of the day. So we went and asked the greatest, most American athlete of all time. Yes, that’s right. Brett Favre. Of course, Brett is no easy man to reach. In fact, Brett Favre’s official website, officialbrettfavre.com, says this about contacting Brett through email:

“We can’t disclose that information as he would be overwhelmed with emails.”

(Too true!)

Instead, we pop on some wranglers, let our beard scruff grow long, and periodically snail mail Brett Favre about sports stuff.

Today’s sports stuff: Deflategate

Hey Mr. Favre!

I am sure you know why we are emailing you today: Deflategate. Yes, after nine months of leaks, trials, appeals, broken phones and thousands of hot takes it looks as if the picture’s finally clearing up and the story is coming to a head (something with which you may be familiar, #4). U.S. District Judge Richard M. Berman lifted Tom Brady’s four-game suspension and he should be set to start the season opener on Thursday, September 10th.

A few months ago, on Fox News, you spoke in defense of the evil cheater Brady saying, “I don’t think by any stretch, in my opinion, that Tom was cheating.” As one of our foremost authorities on getting caught trying to cheat, I must say that your opinion is important. I have a few questions for you:

Do you think these off-field distractions will hurt Brady’s on-field performance?

What about his legacy?

Should we fear the slippery slope that comes with a federal judge usurping the power of the great Roger “The Enforcer” Goodell and his collectively bargained agreement with the NFL Players Association?

What are your thoughts on Goodell?

What about Brady’s legacy?

Do you wish you had thought to break your phone way back when?

Concussions??

Can you do like a Big Brother program type deal with Johnny Manziel because I bought his jersey and really need him to start slinging some guns?

Also, can we talk about Brady’s legacy for a second?

I look forward to your response.

Nick Dorman (@nickdorman) is a clean cut young professional.